I had to take a class survey today for my 19th Century British Novel Class today and it was pretty much like every other survey I have ever taken and I answered it like every survey I have ever taken... except when I came across the question about what we would like to have changed about the class. Which got me thinking about what I would have changed. It was not a bad class and I learned a variety of information, but the one thing I would have changed about the course is the dropping of a particular character whom I am sure most everyone is familiar with... Jane Austen
I hate Jane Austen. Never have I read anything so boring then her work. It is dull and highly uninteresting. It just makes me so sad that our literature culture today is madly in love with her and what she had to say in her novels. It is on par with reading a lifetime movie plot for hours. We were assigned to read Emma in the course and the entire time I was reading this novel I was thinking to myself alternate plots that were happening in the text in fact I have one written down for the novel Persuasion which I was forced to read last semester...
Captain Wentworth awaited anxiously for Anne to arrive. After all these years he would finally be returned to the arms of his love. His mind wandered to all the joy that would soon be his future. 'My magnificent Anne' he thought. He saw visions of the future barbecues that he and Anne would attend. He and his friends would grill out while Anne and the other wives sat around chatting. Every now and then he and her would make eye contact and smile. The images made his heart beat faster in his chest, how he longed to be with her.
After a few hours went by Captain Wentworth began to grow impatient 'Where was she?' had he been stood up, No! not by his Anne. Suddenly in the distance he saw her approaching. She was larger then he remembered, but he still loved her the same. He grew uneasy and smiled as she grew closer and closer. Her hair was much longer then he remembered as well. It nearly covered her entire body 'wow he thought, at least it is only hair she can always get that cut.' She looked very familiar however, like he had seen her the other day. Then he thought about his hike in the woods....
that was not Anne at all
It was
a bear.
He had been writing back and forth all these years to a bear... and Wentworth didn't even know bears could write. He reached for his saber, but it was to late the bear was upon him in lightening speed. It mawed the saber from his hand. Wentworth screamed out in pain. The bear laughed and stood up on its hind legs preparing to strike a fatal blow. The Captain managed to roll out of the way, but not quite far enough the bears claw ripped open his right leg.
"AHHH!" Wentworth screamed. The bear snapped it's jaws around his wounded leg and started chewing. Wentworth nearly passed out from the fire now burning in his leg. He glanced next to him and saw his saber laying just within reach. However, the bear noticed this and quickly kicked the blade away from him.... It was the end for ole Wentworth he had sailed the seas and seen many interesting things, but this is where it all had to come to an end as all things do.
There were reports later from many pub visitors that they had seen a bear come in for a pint, but didn't cause trouble for anyone. He had merely drank his drink then moseyed off elsewhere perhaps to hibernate. The weather was growing cold and he didn't want to wind up cave less again like he did last year, and besides what better time to sleep then after a filling meal.
I found this to be a more fitting ending to the novel Persuasion. I strongly believe that sharks or bears in anything will make it worthwhile and interesting.
But I digress... the point of this post was to merely rant about how little I care for Jane Austen and I think I will be as bold to say that no one would really miss her work if it was to say be excluded from curriculum forever.
Captain Wentworth awaited anxiously for Anne to arrive. After all these years he would finally be returned to the arms of his love. His mind wandered to all the joy that would soon be his future. 'My magnificent Anne' he thought. He saw visions of the future barbecues that he and Anne would attend. He and his friends would grill out while Anne and the other wives sat around chatting. Every now and then he and her would make eye contact and smile. The images made his heart beat faster in his chest, how he longed to be with her.
After a few hours went by Captain Wentworth began to grow impatient 'Where was she?' had he been stood up, No! not by his Anne. Suddenly in the distance he saw her approaching. She was larger then he remembered, but he still loved her the same. He grew uneasy and smiled as she grew closer and closer. Her hair was much longer then he remembered as well. It nearly covered her entire body 'wow he thought, at least it is only hair she can always get that cut.' She looked very familiar however, like he had seen her the other day. Then he thought about his hike in the woods....
that was not Anne at all
It was
a bear.
He had been writing back and forth all these years to a bear... and Wentworth didn't even know bears could write. He reached for his saber, but it was to late the bear was upon him in lightening speed. It mawed the saber from his hand. Wentworth screamed out in pain. The bear laughed and stood up on its hind legs preparing to strike a fatal blow. The Captain managed to roll out of the way, but not quite far enough the bears claw ripped open his right leg.
"AHHH!" Wentworth screamed. The bear snapped it's jaws around his wounded leg and started chewing. Wentworth nearly passed out from the fire now burning in his leg. He glanced next to him and saw his saber laying just within reach. However, the bear noticed this and quickly kicked the blade away from him.... It was the end for ole Wentworth he had sailed the seas and seen many interesting things, but this is where it all had to come to an end as all things do.
There were reports later from many pub visitors that they had seen a bear come in for a pint, but didn't cause trouble for anyone. He had merely drank his drink then moseyed off elsewhere perhaps to hibernate. The weather was growing cold and he didn't want to wind up cave less again like he did last year, and besides what better time to sleep then after a filling meal.
I found this to be a more fitting ending to the novel Persuasion. I strongly believe that sharks or bears in anything will make it worthwhile and interesting.
But I digress... the point of this post was to merely rant about how little I care for Jane Austen and I think I will be as bold to say that no one would really miss her work if it was to say be excluded from curriculum forever.
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