Summer is here. Bring in the summer reading

Ahh summer. The beach, the water, the weather, and if your like me the reading.
Now many people get summer reading confused with actual reading, but I am going to tell you it most certainly is not. There are rules to follow when reading during the summer. For instance, if you are going out to the beach with a copy of John Milton's Paradise Lost or Dante's Divine Comedy you are going about summer reading all wrong. This is not a time for smart and deep reading that requires you to pay attention to every detail and even actually follow the plot. No this is a time for those cheap Wal-Mart books you pass up most of the year, but once again you have to be careful to what you pick up even in Wal-Mart. Thats why I have decided to provide you with a list of what to look for when choosing your summer reading material.

1) For the first rule and one of the most important rules is IT MUST BE MINDLESS. I mean mindless in that while reading you can actually daze off for a few pages and when you come too you still know exactly whats going on, but at the same time you have to somewhat enjoy what you are reading no one likes to be trapped in a boring book.... especially in summer.

2) Some character must either be killed off or have sex during the first 50 pages. Violence whether we like it or not is interesting and one of the best hooks a story can provide. Sex is also in the same category (and this is fine by itself if your the type that does not enjoy violence.) However, if you can find a book where someone has sex then goes out and kills someone or even gets killed during sex you have found a jewel amongst the summer reading books. I remember reading a book once that I found from the dollar tree where a man has sex with some random woman from a bar, and then 2 pages later the random woman gets murdered in the streets. The man happened to be a detective and he wound up trying to chase down the random womans killer for the rest of the book. This was a great book. Not only was it mindless and I probably only read 30 pages in the whole 200 something, but it started off with such a zinger of an intro I could not put it down. Books like these are few and far between so if you happened to find one... spread the wealth.

3) A bear or some form of dangerous creature must make an appearance in the novel (bonus points if a bear and another creature actually fight in the novel) I say bears, because well bears are really flipping interesting. They are like the modern day T-Rex only much more badass, because they don't have stumpy arms. From my experience Bears make novels better. By appearance I mean the bear has to eat someone, the protagonist or the antagonist or even a random bystander. Who he eats is unimportant and beside the fact just so long as he does eat someone. I have even found that the bear does not even have to be a mainpoint of the novel. In some books bears come in merely to devour some random sap, but soon shuffle off in the next page to go do important bear things. This is perfectly fine. But I am not biased against another creature (sharks, velociraptors, anacondas, dragons, tigers, Minotaurs, Giant Robots, Aliens, Godzilla, even a gorilla) just so long as they follow the same rules as the bear. Once again bonus points if one of the listed creatures comes into the novel along with a bear.... and they fight. Then you have the best summer reading material ever.
When I was 8 years old I found a book on my parents bookshelf that seemed interesting enough, because of the mention of an unknown creature on the back of the book. So I read it, but soon found it to be a very boring and sappy love drama. I never wanted to put a book down so bad in all my life, but for some reason I stuck with it and good thing too. When I reached page 100 this sappy love story turned into a hunt for a mutant-shark-man-fish (I kid you not) that was ravaging the village that the main characters resided in. After this novel I knew my summer reading days would never be the same.

4) There must be a beach either a picture of a beach or the mention of a beach somewhere in the novel. Since this is a book for the summer and summer entitles beaches, so should your novel. A beach is a must if you can't be there you should at least be reading about one. Now this throws a wrench in rule number 3, but thats why I revised it to include any creature other than a bear. Bears don't frequent beaches near as much as they should, but beaches are prime locations for another lovable man eater The Shark!

5) Secret agents. I figured this rule kinda goes without saying as it is common knowledge that secret agents are awesome, but I guess I should mention just how cool they are. I mean just look at Ian Fleming's character James Bond. Arguably one of the coolest men in the entertainment industry next to Sean Connery... and guess what Sean Connery was James Bond! Thats saying something if the character you are playing is almost if not cooler then you are. This is why James Bond books are perfect summer reading, minus the fact that most... errr all of them contain no bears. (however they do contain sharks.) Don't worry though I am not encouraging you to find a secret agent on par with James Bond, but as long as the novel contains a secret agent even if he is mentioned in the liner notes (or there is a James Bond reference.) There are many ways to fulfill this requirement.

I guess I am going to call it quits after rule 5 mainly because I feel like the rest of the rules would be just really cool things like; David Bowie, Space travel, Scantly clad women, etc... but I don't believe there is a book out there that would include them all. So I will just keep it with the 5 golden rules to finding summer reading.
Anyways I wish everyone the best in finding summer reading material. If you manage to go 5/5 in the rules then you have it made. 4/5 is very good, 3/5 is not too bad its acceptable, but 2/5 and you might as well go see a movie if you want to be entertained.

-Thom

(I believe Patirck Macmanus did an article such as this, and if you have enjoyed mine you should look his up a very top notch writer.)

BrakesBrakesBrakes "Touchdown"

Wow... this album is flipping amazing! It has combined the progression of my musical taste since I was 15 years old until now. From Punk to a slower alternative style, this album has it all. If you have not already purchased it then I strongly suggest you do. I had not heard of this band until yesterday when I was scouring pitchfork for more music and happened across this album review. I soon found myself listening to the entire album off of pitchfork and then downloading it, and after listening to it back and forth to class today I have decided that BrakesBrakesBrakes are now one of my all time favorite bands and thats a pretty solid decision.


The band is a 4 member band and they are from England (which further adds to my theory that for the most part good music always comes from Europe. Not to say American bands are bad, they are amazing but... well music is music who cares where it comes from if its good its good and I will listen to it.) Anyways there a very good band and unfortunately for us they are only touring in Europe (at least thats the dates they have now) Maybe I can sneak away from London this summer and go see them, but I doubt it.

It really sucks to live in the southeast sometimes. I feel like I am buried in country music festivals and actual good bands avoid coming here (at least we have Atlanta... Thanks ATL for doing your best) Oh and Bonnaroo, but unfortunately I will be missing that this year and will be in London (so i guess its a win win for me) but still the Bonnaroo lineup is pretty impressive this year its a shame I have to miss it (and that no friends of mine are going to it to tell me about YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!)

Anyways BRAKESBRAKESBRAKES Good music if you have not downloaded the album yet please do (that is if you are into good ole fashioned indie rock without all the electronics) So go get yourself a copy of their album anyway you know how you will not regret it.

-Thom

Jane Austen

I had to take a class survey today for my 19th Century British Novel Class today and it was pretty much like every other survey I have ever taken and I answered it like every survey I have ever taken... except when I came across the question about what we would like to have changed about the class. Which got me thinking about what I would have changed. It was not a bad class and I learned a variety of information, but the one thing I would have changed about the course is the dropping of a particular character whom I am sure most everyone is familiar with... Jane Austen

I hate Jane Austen. Never have I read anything so boring then her work. It is dull and highly uninteresting. It just makes me so sad that our literature culture today is madly in love with her and what she had to say in her novels. It is on par with reading a lifetime movie plot for hours. We were assigned to read Emma in the course and the entire time I was reading this novel I was thinking to myself alternate plots that were happening in the text in fact I have one written down for the novel Persuasion which I was forced to read last semester...

Captain Wentworth awaited anxiously for Anne to arrive. After all these years he would finally be returned to the arms of his love. His mind wandered to all the joy that would soon be his future. 'My magnificent Anne' he thought. He saw visions of the future barbecues that he and Anne would attend. He and his friends would grill out while Anne and the other wives sat around chatting. Every now and then he and her would make eye contact and smile. The images made his heart beat faster in his chest, how he longed to be with her.
After a few hours went by Captain Wentworth began to grow impatient 'Where was she?' had he been stood up, No! not by his Anne. Suddenly in the distance he saw her approaching. She was larger then he remembered, but he still loved her the same. He grew uneasy and smiled as she grew closer and closer. Her hair was much longer then he remembered as well. It nearly covered her entire body 'wow he thought, at least it is only hair she can always get that cut.' She looked very familiar however, like he had seen her the other day. Then he thought about his hike in the woods....
that was not Anne at all
It was
a bear.
He had been writing back and forth all these years to a bear... and Wentworth didn't even know bears could write. He reached for his saber, but it was to late the bear was upon him in lightening speed. It mawed the saber from his hand. Wentworth screamed out in pain. The bear laughed and stood up on its hind legs preparing to strike a fatal blow. The Captain managed to roll out of the way, but not quite far enough the bears claw ripped open his right leg.
"AHHH!" Wentworth screamed. The bear snapped it's jaws around his wounded leg and started chewing. Wentworth nearly passed out from the fire now burning in his leg. He glanced next to him and saw his saber laying just within reach. However, the bear noticed this and quickly kicked the blade away from him.... It was the end for ole Wentworth he had sailed the seas and seen many interesting things, but this is where it all had to come to an end as all things do.


There were reports later from many pub visitors that they had seen a bear come in for a pint, but didn't cause trouble for anyone. He had merely drank his drink then moseyed off elsewhere perhaps to hibernate. The weather was growing cold and he didn't want to wind up cave less again like he did last year, and besides what better time to sleep then after a filling meal.





I found this to be a more fitting ending to the novel Persuasion. I strongly believe that sharks or bears in anything will make it worthwhile and interesting.

But I digress... the point of this post was to merely rant about how little I care for Jane Austen and I think I will be as bold to say that no one would really miss her work if it was to say be excluded from curriculum forever.

Throw me the Statue "Purpleface"

I first heard Throw me the Statue a little over a year ago when they released their debut album Moonbeams which I thought was a very good album, and I was happy to see that today they released their EP Purpleface. With only 4 songs on the EP I can already hear a major difference from the upbeat rhythm that I loved so much from tracks such as "Lolita" and "About to Walk". The tracks are much more chill and laid back and sounds like it would make good driving music, but other than that I am a little disappointed in the EP overall, the one song I really liked is also on Moonbeams "Written in Heart Signs, Faintly" and the other tracks all sound very similar to this one. I don't want to give them a bad report though and I do suggest you check it out for yourself especially if your into more laid back music, as for me I was really hoping to dance!

-Thom

Top 5 artists as of NOW.

To begin all of this I would like to start with my favorite topics, Music. I listen to a lot of music and that may just be an understatement, but I'm not quite sure how to explain to you, I listen to A LOT of music. As someone once told me "you can learn a lot about someone by looking through their iPod." This is a very true statement, but I am not going to post every band I have on my iPod it would take far too long and I don't think I have the patience to sit here and write them all (I'm trying not to sound like an elitist, but if I'm failing let me know.) Anywho so instead of all the bands how about the top 5 all time favorites!


1. Cloud Cult- A wonderfully talented band. I remember hearing them the first time in my car of all places and knowing that I had just fallen in love. They are a seven piece band from Minnesota and while I have yet to personally see them live I hear there shows are absolutely amazing. A very good band that if you have not listened to then I strongly suggest that you find one of their albums asap.


2. Radiohead- Radiohead definitely deserves a spot on my list as they were the reason I became obsessed with music in the first place. Ever since the release of The Bends in 1995 I have not stopped listening to music. One of the best bands out there and a must on so many top 5 list I'm sure. Once again though I have not seen them live... I missed them at Bonnaroo in 2006 and then again in Atlanta, GA in 2008. Those days still haunt me as dark days I really have no idea what I was thinking when I didn't go... painful memories. Anyways I have always thought every Radiohead album has been one of the best cds I have heard, but some people seem to disagree. I guess it's just an acquired listen.

3. Muse- I absolutely love Muse. I heard their cover of "Can't take my eyes off of you" and went out and bought Showbiz that day. One of the best bands I have listened to and very inspirational to listen to while writing papers. I have seen Muse live... when they opened for My Chemical Romance in Atlanta in 2007... Don't worry my friend and I left before Chemical Romance ruined what was the best show I have ever been to.

4. Pain- A band I'm sure not many have heard as they were a local band from Mobile AL. A ska band that had so much talent and absolutely incredible songs that were often hilarious. I still wish they were around, it was a sad sad day when I heard they had broken up. All of their music is available via itunes so check them out! Midgets with guns is still one of my favorite albums of all time. Maybe if enough people purchase their songs they will make a valiant comeback... That would be awesome.

5. Portugal. The Man- I only recently heard this band and I really really like them Censored Colors... is just ahhh. From "Lay me back down" to "Our Way" It has just been a while since I have listened to a CD and been able to enjoy the whole thing in its entirety multiple times.

This is my top 5 list while for the most part this doesn't change I probably will replace a few on my top 5 as I am constantly discovering new music and always listening. There is a lot of good music out there and you just never know when that next sound will come along and knock you on the ground.